i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize