ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
