I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
