have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
