If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
