i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
