If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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