If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
