Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
