I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
