It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize