I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish there were birth control emojis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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