I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
