look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
