If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
