I wish you could order shots online.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize