I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
