Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
