Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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