how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
