it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
