I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
