Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dear god my vagina.
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