i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
