we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
