Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
