Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
