is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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