Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
