I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
