Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
