My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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