somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
