oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
