you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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