hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
