HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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