The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
