yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
