return my video game
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
