I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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