She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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