Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
