obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
