Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
