Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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