I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
