Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
