I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
