My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
