I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
