Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
