You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
