Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
