I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
