Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
