butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize