Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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