I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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