I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
