Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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