sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
