I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
