i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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