I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
