i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
