Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
