when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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