this beer tastes like vomit already
home. puking in laundry basket.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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