I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
