My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
