you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
