If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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