Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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