She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
