i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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