she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My life is pants optional.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
