We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Im part way to drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
