There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
