every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
