Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
