OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
