Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
