I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
