an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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