def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
