I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My pussy is not your playground.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
