What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
