The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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