a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
