the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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