Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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