A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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