haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think my mom watched the whole time
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
