He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
