Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize