So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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