Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
