six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize