census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
