Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
