he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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